My blood pressure has been unstable for one week now. I feel terrible. I feel used and abused. I am very angry. I want out. This isn’t healthy anymore. This is not my usual self. I used to be full of sunshine and now, I feel like I’m trying to get out of a powerful storm. This is not depression because I’ve been there and I know the  difference. I am furious of the things that should have been prevented had a careful planning was done ahead. I am sick and tired of people who see things as they are thought and forget the gray area between black and white. I am not being honest about myself and how I view things because I want conformity and now, all the pent up emotions are trying to get out of my system, knocking me off.
Category: Life & Love
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It always pops in my mind—being brave in 2017. Not that I’m a coward but there are some aspects of my life and decision that I’d rather not think or discuss about.
I’d like to get out of my comfort zone in 2017, face my fears and finally move on with heads up high.
I’d like to create wealth that I could give to my children when I leave the world.
I’d like to take care of my father more and if possible, bring him here with me.
I’d like to try new things, meet new people and create more happy memories.
I’d like to buy a new set of wardrobe in preparation for my life-begins-at-40 journey.
I’d like to be a wildflower again as I was called during my college years—wild in the sense that I managed to survive in the harsh climate and surroundings.
I’d like 2017 to be my year of new beginnings.
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October 2003.
I rendered overtime with my bestfriend. I wanted to forget that that day was my birthday. I could have went home to my family and celebrate there but I chose to stay at work and just let the day pass.
You texted me a birthday greeting. Tears fell down my face. Just a month ago, you transferred to the big city to start a new career. I was left by myself and I felt so alone.
You said that you have a package wrapped in pink. I was anticipating that it was a ring.
“If you want her, put a ring on it!” I could hear Beyonce’s words.
You texted to ask where I was. I said that I intend to go home very late.
You said that I should not be working late on my birthday.
And advised me to just have dinner with my bestfriend.
Alma and I were walking when somebody put an arm around my shoulder.
My first reaction was to fight; Alma was just as equally shocked.
Then Alma’s reaction shifted from fear to joy.
It was you, yes you, clad in pink!
You kissed me and said “Happy birthday!”
It was the best birthday surprise of my life!
Years later, you broke my heart and we parted ways.
Yet that birthday surprise is still in my memory.
Thank you for this memory, it is worth remembering.
Thank you for loving me before!
🙂
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Katanghaliang tapat sa isang bayan sa Bulacan, binabagtas namin ang daan pauwi. Madaraanan ang mga naglalako ng iba’t ibang klaseng paninda.
Naroon ang isang lolang nakaupo sa bangketa. Lilinga-linga sa mga suking pwedeng alukin. Ang mga gulay na nakalatag sa plastik na pantakip ay halos nalalanta na. Ang iba ay nilalamon na ng alikabok. Naisip ko, “sino kaya ang pwedeng bumili sa paninda nya sa lagay na iyon?” Ito ay hindi panlilibak kundi isang matapat na pagtatanong kung paano makakayang ubusin ang paninda gayong may mga pwesto sa loob ng palengke na mas sariwa pa ang gulay.
Sa isang sulok naman ay ang nagtitinda ng donut. Donut na pang-masa at hindi ang nasa isip nating Mr. Donut o Dunkin. Naka-hair net, naka-lipstick, maayos ang porma ng tindera kumpara sa mga katabing nagtitinda ng gulay, damit at iba pa. Mukhang masaya naman sya sa kanyang ginagawa kahit isang munting bangko lang ang inuupuan at nakukuntento sa pamaypay na pamawi ng init.
May mga batang kailangang businahan, mga nagtitinda ng garter. Payat ang mga bata at sa tantya ko ay nasa 9-11 taong gulang. Mabilis akong maawa sa mga batang maagang nasabak sa hanapbuhay. Sa Waltermart kung saan kami madalas mag-grocery, siniguro kong palagi akong may trenta pesos sa bulsa para pambili ng 1 basahan kada punta. Sa maliit na bagay, nabibigyang-pag-asa natin ang mga bata na may naniniwala sa kanilang pagsisikap.
Eto namang si manong takatak, muntik pa kaming mapa-preno ng biglaan. Ang takatak boys ay walang pakundangan basta mairaos ang benta. Biglang susulpot para humabol sa jeepney. Sa konting puhunan at kita, sapat na ang maghapong pantawid sa gutom.
Wala ka talagang masasabi sa pagtitiis ng Pilipino. Umulan, umaraw, nariyan silang nagbabakasali. Sila ang mga Pilipinong patas kung lumaban. Hindi nagnanakaw, hindi gumagawa ng masama para mabuhay. Sila ang mga Pilipinong tinatanggihan ng ospital dahil walang pambayad o dili kaya ay nagkakasya na lang sa pasilyo ng ospital para magamot lamang. Sila ang mga Pilipinong tinatawaran ang paninda at pumapayag naman maibenta lamang. Sila ang mga Pilipinong hindi sinwerte sa materyal na bagay kung kaya’t ang tanging pangarap ay malamnan ang tyan ng pamilya. Sila ang masisipag na Pilipino na matiisin at mapangarapin. Aalisin pa ba natin ang karapatan nilang yun?
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Young Syrian boy. Photo courtesy of Yahoo News. I feel bad for 5 year-old Omran Daqneesh, the young boy from Syria who was a victim of airstrike. While boys of his age are fighting over toys or ice cream, there he is, shocked and zombie-like.
While some people are worrying over what food to eat for dinner, Omran is probably worrying about the next airstrike.
While some teenagers are complaining about their lovelife, Omran is probably figuring out if he will get the chance to go to school, grow up and marry someday.
While some religious groups are bickering and putting each other down, Omran is probably praying for world peace.
While most of us are complaining about how little we have in life, how stressful our job is, how inconsiderate our boss is, how lazy our children are; Omran is probably wishing for a safe place to stay. Just a safe place.
Most of us feel bad for not being rich enough, not being beautiful enough, not being loved enough; Omran probably needs a warm hug and a mother’s love.
We always blame the government, the people who betrayed us, the exes who left us, the traffic, the pollution, global warming, even same-sex marriage—-yet we spared ourselves from blaming ourselves.
We demand for love yet we give conditional love.
We demand for a good life yet we are too lazy and incompetent to build a better life.
We demand for a good relationship but we are the ones destroying our relationship.
We demand for peace yet most of us are superficial.
We become too affected by one horrifying picture yet we’re just like that—affected!
We don’t lift a finger to help because we’re afraid of the responsibilities.
And those who must be responsible do not want to be responsible.
Make a difference each day. Think of Omran. Think of the other children who are suffering.
Be a better person. Be a compassionate person.
Find out how you can help others.
Peace starts within us.
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People tend to get blinded because of immaturity, carelessness and worst, being super optimistic to a fault.
I used to be that person until I learned to open my eyes, analyze what I’m into and then decide next what to do.
People are too afraid of change and moving out of one’s comfort zone that’s why some remain stagnant for years.
Some people rely on other people to carry on with life. But what if those people are no longer around to guide and support them?
We are too enamored by the icing on the cake but we fail to realize that a cake has empty nutrition.
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You and me lying down.
My head on your tummy, your arm wrapped around me.
You showed me a doll house and a toy horse.
I could feel your scent.
The scene was lovely, not lusty.
Then I woke up, it was just a dream.
There were decisions that had to be done.
But that doesn’t mean that what was “us” was not real.
It was just that I was unsure of myself before.
You were just as confused so we just had to let go.
The World of Second Chances 