Category: Life & Love

Ang Beer Na To o Ang Pag-ibig Mo

April 30, 2009

Life & Love

Reminiscing mode ako ngayon. Malamig kasi. Cold summer, maagang
tag-ulan. Naaalala ko ang coldest January. 2007 yun. Tumapat pa
sa break up namin ng boyfriend of almost 7 years ko. Ang ginaw
nun, hinahanap ko sya. Hindi sya mahilig mangyakap, pero yung
presence nya, yun ang hinahanap ko nun. Kaso, wala na sya. He gave
up our relationship.

Umaga ng January yun. Papunta ako ng kusina sa apartment na sana’y
magiging love nest namin kung natuloy lang ang pangarap kong kasal
noong 2007. Narinig ko ang kantang ito na may lyrics na “nais kong
magpakalasing dahil wala ka na….” Shet! Tinamaan ako. Hindi ako
mahilig sa kanta. Lalong hindi sa banda. Eraserheads lang ang bandang
kinabaliwan ko. Pero panahon yun ng teenage years ko, reasonable.
Isang patak na pigil na luha ang dumaloy sa mata ko. Naisip ko kung
naiisip din ba nya ako. Naisip ko na nalalamigan din ba sya dahil
yun ang coldest January ever recorded ng PAGASA.

Pagpasok ko ng opisina, nagsimula akong magtrabaho. Pero kating-kati
ang daliri kong malaman ang lyrics ng kantang narinig ko. Beer nga daw
by Itchyworms. Leche kako. Kung kelan ako tumanda saka ako mag-e-emote
na parang 15 years old.

Lahat ng relasyon ko, pinakaalagaan ko. Yung una, almost six years kami.
Maraming problema, walang pagbabago. Bago ako sumama sa kanya sa
pagbulusok palubog, umalis ako sa relasyon. Ang pangalawa kong
pag-ibig ang talagang ininda ko ang paghihiwalay. Masakit. Sobrang
sakit. Dumating ako sa puntong pati larawan nya’y kinakausap ko.
Hanggang ngayong may sarili na akong buhay at masaya sa lalaking
nagdala sa akin sa dambana, hindi ko maintindihan bakit nagmahal ako
ng lalaking halos hindi ko alam kung pantay ba ang pagmamahal na binigay
sa akin.

Kung tatanungin ako kung mahal ko pa sya, malakas na HINDI NA ang
isasagot ko. Pero ganun yata. May mga awitin, panahon, pagkakataon
na di maiiwasang sasagi at sasagi sa isip mo ang mga taong naging
parte ng buhay mo. Napakaswerte nga ng lalaking yun dahil may
nagmahal sa kanya ng buong puso kung sino sya at di kung ano sya.

Ibuhos na nga ang beer. Tapos na ang malulungkot na araw ko sa
kantang ito. I survived the break up. Salamat naman.
Suzette Nicolas, Victim or Not?

March 21, 2009

Life & Love

From the very start of this Subic Rape Case Drama, a lot of opinions were divided. Did Lance Corporal Daniel Smith really rape Suzette Nicolas or “Nicole?”

I spent six years of my adult life in Olongapo City where I worked as an engineer in one of SBMA’s former top company. Olongapo City was notorious for being the “sin city” of the central part of Luzon; the other one was Angeles City in Pampanga. When Subic closed its military base in the early 90’s, it managed to reinvent its image into a money-making industrial zone in the late 90’s.

I’ve never been to Neptune Club and never in my wildest dreams will I try to go there alone. It’s not a wholesome place where you can just sit down, dance and have a drink with your buddies. If I were looking for that kind of entertainment, I would just go to Subic Hard Rock in Olongapo or even in Pier One in Boardwalk. I wonder if Nicole and her company have the slightest idea of what kind of place Neptune is. Nobody must have warned her group that this place s-p-e-l-l-s SEX, alcohol, flirting and unwholesome fun.

Reports said that Nicole was intoxicated at the time that she was dancing with Smith; some said that it was a flirty sexy dancing. We know how alcohol can boost up our libido and the two probably agreed to make out.

It was not the kind of making out that any DECENT woman would ever try; report said that Smith had sex with Nicole at the presence of his companions and the van driver. The question on whether the sex was consensual was put into question. It could be a wild sex with a stranger or it could be a consensual sex at the start– that, only Nicole can answer.

What I can’t understand with Nicole is her American dream. If I were oppressed in a country or in a place or if I were so demoralized by a group of people, what I’m gonna do is to pick up the pieces of my life AWAY from that place or group of people. Obviously, this principle doesn’t work for her because she’s now in the States with her marine lover. Why not UK? Why not Australia? Why not Canada?

Nicole blamed the government for not helping her push through with the case–that I feel for her. But why recant her statement after various sectors showed support to her, the Gabriela group most specifically. How much deal was involved in this for her to leave her lawyers, fly with her lover and accept the PhP100,000 (or more?) to start a new life elsewhere in the US?

If Nicole’s new statement were the real one (Smith didn’t rape her) I would have slapped her in the face, throw mud at her and spit on her face. Hey, if her new statement were the real one, she’s on the risk of putting the REAL RAPE victims at risk. What is its effect on the real victims that we should be supporting?

Suzette Nicolas or Nicole, is she a victim or not? We don’t know. Only time can tell.
My College Life

February 17, 2009

Life & Love

Some teeners go to college because it’s the most common thing to do after high school. Some teeners go to college because it’s what their parents want them to do. Some teeners go to college to gain some freedom. I went to college because of ambition.

I don’t regard myself as an A-1 student. If I were, I wouldn’t have to study very hard just to earn good grades. But I was not the nerdy type either. I wanted to finish college because I knew that it was my only chance to have a better life.

I did not come from a well-off family. I needed to strive harder in life. Several months before my high school graduation, my classmates were worried about passing their college entrance exam. On the other hand, I was worried about whether my parents could afford to send me to college or not. My mother made the biggest sacrifice by sending me to school; it was something that I am grateful of until now.

I lived in a dormitory during my freshman year. I was exposed to a lot of vices. It was my first taste of freedom. While some of my boardmates were busy spending their night out in the bar, I was contended spending my night in Burnham Park with friends.

I moved in Sanitary Camp during my sophomore. I stayed there until the time that I finished college. I remember, I was always tight with money then. I knew that my boardmates would not understand why I had to lock my stocks in my room instead of just storing them in the cupboard. I did it to better monitor my consumption since some of them use my stocks whenever they ran out of it.

People had this misconception that I am rich or I belong to a moneyed clan. It must be my oriental looks. This misconception was probably the reason why I was misjudged.

It saddens me to see students who take their studies for granted. It saddens me to see parents work hard for these kind of children. I finished college because of ambition and my desire to improve my state of life.
My Love Faded

February 13, 2009

Life & Love

We were both 22 when we first met.
I was in a rocky relationship, he was never into a relationship.
We became friends. He said that I was so stupid to stay in a relationship where there is too much hurting.
I ended my relationship with the first one.
He said that he was the happiest man on this planet for having me.
Everybody was against our relationship.
Two against the world was our theme.

A year after, the fairy tale ended.
We were faced with a lot of issues.
Whenever I tried to run away from him, he said that everything in our relationship was just normal.

Is it normal not to talk about the daily happenings in our life?
Is it normal not to feel jealous of his attention to the other girls?
Is it normal not to ask about our future?
He said it was not normal so I molded my self into somebody that he thought was normal.

“Do you love me?” I asked him.
“Yes, of course,” he said.
Why is it that love begets pain, then? What was missing in our relationship?
Maybe a ring?
Maybe a marriage contract?
Maybe a future life together?

I stayed with him because of love.
He said he couldn’t stay with me because of love.
“I love you so I’m setting you free,” he said.
I was taken off-guard; it was unexpected.
“Why are you leaving me after six and a half years together?” I asked.
He gave me a dozen replies but this one broke my heart into pieces.
“I am no longer in love with you since last year.”

Since last year? Or since five years ago?
If he really loved me, he wouldn’t hurt my feelings for the past five years.
Did he really love me or I was just his meantime girl?

It took me 1.5 years to have a new relationship after him.
It took him less than a year to move on.

He IM’d me and said that he wanted to see me before I get married.
For what?
Isn’t he happy with his new girl or does he want a night of fun with me?

I didn’t take his bait.
I couldn’t afford to hurt Miel.
But one thing that I realize is this:
“Never assure that love is enough to make someone stay or come back to you..when pain strikes the heart,love fades no matter how great it was.”

He broke my heart so badly; I could never see him face to face again.
He was forgiven but he has to be forgotten.
He’s now a memory; a good and a bad memory.
The person who made me what I am today.
My Valentine’s Experiences

February 13, 2009

Life & Love

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. My best buddy here in the office is very excited about it. Forgive her, she’s only 24. 😉

When I was younger, I regarded this day as the 3rd most special day after All Saint’s Day and Christmas. Valentine’s used to be that special day that could make or break my day. I finished high school with no Valentine’s card, no Valentine’s date and no Valentino to spend the day with. Good thing, my father was born on Valentine’s Day so his birthday celebration made up for it.

It was in Baguio City where I had my first Valentine’s with my first boyfriend. It was actually a group date with a couple of mutual friends. We just had doughnut and soda (what a combination!) at Mr. Donut’s in Session Road. My first boyfriend gave me three red roses on that special day. I was his first love, too; I gave my yes to him 12 days before Valentine’s.

My worst Valentine’s experience was in 1998 when my jealousy-stricken first boyfriend assumed that I was with someone else inside my room. I fell asleep after making a Valentine’s card for him that was why I didn’t hear his knocks. When I opened the door, his eyes were fierce and angrily, he accused me of sleeping with someone else. I showed him the card and after seeing it, he cooled down but he had ruined my romantic mood for that day.

My second boyfriend NEVER gave me flowers for reasons that I do not know until now. My most memorable Valentine’s with him was when he said NO to his teammate’s request for swapping their shift. That was in 2001 and it was our first Valentine’s date. We dined at Shakey’s in Magsaysay Avenue (Olongapo City)

I have yet to celebrate my first Valentine’s with Miel, my third boyfriend and fiance’. I don’t expect red balloons and red roses. I don’t expect chocolate cake or chocolate bars. His presence would just be enough. With Miel, everyday is Valentine’s Day for me.
Silay

January 28, 2009

Life & Love

Very familiar sa akin ang term na “silay.” Nauna ko itong narinig kay Mary Ann, best friend ko noong grade school. Ten years old ako ng ma-realize kong may crush na pala ako. Andrew ang name ng first crush ko. Pag sinabi ni Mary Ann na, “sana masilayan naman natin crush natin,” sumasang-ayon naman ako. Masarap magka-crush, di ba? Mas masarap pa siguro kesa magka-boyfriend. Andun kasi ang thrill lalo na pag ina-assess mo sa sarili mo kung gusto ka ba nya o hindi.

Seven months na kami ni Miel. Bago kami mag-isang taon bilang mag-boyfriend, magpapakasal na kami. Wala naman ding halos nabago sa sitwasyon namin. Para pa rin kaming bago nang bago.

Kagabi, nasa labas sya ng apartment ko, nag-iihaw ng ulam para sa hapunan namin. Ako naman, nasa sala at nagbabasa. Paminsan-minsan, tinitignan ko sya at andun pa rin ang kilig pag nakikita ko sya. Lalo naman akong kinilig nung sya naman ang pasimpleng sumilip sa bintana para makita ako.

Eyes wide open. Nakangiting labi. Parang namamangha sa nakita nya. Sumilay nga ang lalaking sinilayan ko. Wala lang.Nakakakilig. Sana habambuhay kaming ganito. =)
Waste Segregation in Balanga City

January 16, 2009

Life & Love

The waste segregation program in Balanga City under the leadership of Mayor Joet Garcia is admirable. There are garbage collectors that roam around the city twice a day to collect biodegrable and non-biodegradable wastes. Residents are mandated to do waste segregation, otherwise, the garbage collector won’t collect it.

What is good in this waste segregation program is that, biodegradable wastes are made into compost while non-biodegradable wastes go down to the junk shops. It generates extra income for the residents while maintaining a clean and garbage-free environment.

Mayor Joet Garcia maybe a neophyte in politics but his one year of public service record is impressive. I believe that he is even better than his brother, ex-Mayor and now Congressman Albert Garcia. On the other hand, the then Mayor Albert or Mayor Abet as we fondly call him, was responsible in giving Balanga a make-over.

Keep up the good work, Mayor Joet! Continue to make Balanga City a clean and garbage-free city!