The World of Second Chances

Anger Management

December 3, 2009

Wedding & Family Life

I need to undergo anger management seminar. I realize that I’m becoming the evil person that I am not really. Since I experienced a lot of stress this year from my mother’s “mysterious” disease to my father’s troubles to my mother’s demise and to the other stressful problems, I became hot-tempered and suspecting. I learned how to blurt out bad words when I’m pissed off. I learned how to verbally attack a person when I’m provoked.

I hate it. It’s not me.

I realize that I am still angry for everything bad and sad that happened this year.

I need to let go of my anger.

I need time and understanding.

I need God’s help and mercy.
Mindanao

December 2, 2009

Life & Love

Ampatuan vs. Mangudadatu
Nice headline. It projects an image of two warring Muslim royalties.

Maguindanao Massacre
Gruesome headline. It projects an image of a backward civilization.

Since last Monday’s (November 23) massacre, I’ve been surfing the internet for more facts and details about the Mangudadatus and the Ampatuans. I learned that they used to be allies. When we speak of allies, I hope it does not mean that the Mangudadatus supported the Ampatuans wicked activities. One article says that the Mangudadatus are warlords themselves. I hope that the Maguindanao massacre is not some sort of karma as I condemn political killings.

Mindanao is called “The Land of Promise.” But is it really promising? Mindanao’s lands are fertile; the perfect land for agriculture. Its seas are said to be perfect for fishing and tourism. I grew up with an impression that Mindanao is not a peaceful place. Its problems are more political than socio-economical.

How many Abu Sayaffs do we have and why can’t our military forces pin them down? It leads me to think that we tolerate these terrorists because there is business in war. There’s big money involved. And maybe, there are some big families in Mindanao that conspire with this group.

The MNLF and the MILF, in my opinion, do not regard themselves as Filipinos.
“We are Muslim,” they would say but never “We are Filipino.”
Does it mean that being a Muslim give them an authority to ask for an independent Mindanao?

Is there hope in Mindanao?
My Mother’s Daughter

November 6, 2009

Life & Love

I am sitting in front of my laptop with a cup of coffee; ¼ tablespoon of coffee, 2 tablespoons of creamer and 1 tablespoon of sugar. When did I develop a taste for coffee? Probably it was during my college days when I had to finish all my assignments and prepare for the next day’s lessons. Prior to my college years, I HATED coffee! It was my mother who was addicted to it. I didn’t realize that several years later, I would become the person that I never thought I would be. I realize that I am becoming like my mother in so many ways or maybe in so many ways that annoyed me when I was younger.

When my mother was still a full-time housewife, she was a neat freak. She took much attention of the restroom and kitchen. Did we, as kids, leave the toilet messy? Did I, at ten years of age, wash the dishes properly? Her being a meticulous made me and my younger brother take care of our things properly. I hate greasy pans and plates. I hate it when the glasses and utensils smell fishy. I hate it when the kitchen is left untidy. I hate it when the toilet is left messy. I realize, I was never this meticulous before and it would take a week of orientation before my helper gets my particular style in good housekeeping.

I thought I was not jologs like my mama when it comes to food but lately, I’ve been craving for cheap puddings, kupeng, otap and mamon. These breads cost less than ten pesos but enough to fill in a hungry stomach. Mama thought that my Goldilocks or Red Ribbon pasalubong were too expensive but would eat them, anyway.

Now the budgeting issue; whenever I remind my husband, my kid, my sister-in-law and my helper to turn off the lights when not in use, I hear my mother’s voice in my own voice. She would always ask me and my brothers to turn off the tap properly, turn off the lights between 10 AM to 5PM (unless necessary) and turn off the TV or sound system when not in use. I understand where she was coming from. She, being the breadwinner, knew the value of money more than anyone else in our household.

There are still a lot of comparisons that I have yet to discover and a lot of things that I hope I would be, someday. I would like to be a great cook like my late mother. Her kare-kare was the best. I would like to be motherly like her. I would like to be empathic like her. I would like to be patient like her. I would like to be a good wife like her. I would like to be a good daughter to my remaining parent like her. I would like to be a good sister like her. I would like to be be a good friend like her. I am my mother’s daughter; sooner or later, I would do funny, silly, relevant, meticulous and good things like her.
Desperate Housewife

October 13, 2009

Life & Love, That’s Entertainment

You may find this kinda late but since my maternity leave
started last September 8, I’m hooked in watching Desperate Housewives.
Oh yeah, the transition from being a Sex and the City fanatic to being
a Desperate Housewives fanatic. Does it have something to do with my
change of civil status? Perhaps! But since I’m watching it on DVD and I
started on the 3rd Season episodes, I’m not sure if the housewives had
budgeting problems like me.

I used to argue with my late mother on budgeting. It was not budgeting per se
but it was the way she used to mention how tough a job budgeting is.And since I was
living alone with lots of comfort on my apartment which is a two-hour drive from
my parents’ home, I didn’t know that budgeting for a large family is really a tough job!

When I got married and my husband moved in with me, he nearly freaked me out for
touching on stuff that were supposed to be out in my perceived time.Then came his
sister a month after we got married. Budgeting was becoming more challenging!
When my daughter from my first love joined us after my mother passed away, I don’t know
if my pregnancy had something to do with my mood swings whenever I see the cupboard
empty ahead of my scheduled grocery day. It was not only the groceries that I was concerned
about. It was the electricity bill and water bill that shoot up! When the baby and the helper
came, grocery cost increased by 40%, electricity by 120% and water by 100%. Oh, don’t count the
baby; I didn’t include him in the computation.

My husband noticed how irritated I was yesterday. He knew it was the budgeting issue.
“Why can’t some people be just as disciplined as me? And for everyone’s info, when
I used to live with my relatives, I never touched their stuffs!”

Yes, it’s not just the money issues that I’m irritated about; it is also the consumption issue.
When I was living alone, everything was scheduled and budgeted. Electricity and water cost
were lower because I knew how to conserve. It is easier to impart that to my sister-in-law
and daughter because they are family. I have a big job to educate my helper on CONSERVATION.

Back to Desperate Housewives, in running a family with extension (sister-in-law) and a helper,
maybe I could associate myself with Lynette Scavo. I admire the way she handles her family.
She’s tough yet cool about her children especially when the twins are already on their
teens. She knows her insecurities and is not afraid to tell others about it. (The episode
when she told the successful Bree Hodge that she’s jealous of her career)

Susan Mayers and Gabrielle Solis are my most favorite character. Susan resembles me
in the way that we’re both hopeless romantics. (But I’m not a drama queen like her!)
She’s the most natural character aside from Lynette’s. Susan’s imperfections like
her carelessness make her more adorable. Ordinary housewives would say that yeah,
life is fair; because a beauty like Susan could be so vulnerable and careless, too!
I love Gabrielle Solis because she reminds me of my youth; the time when I thought
it was easy to change boyfriends because a better one would surely come my way.(It didn’t
happen, though. I only had three boyfriends before I got married, the last one became my
husband) Gabrielle’s character is just as fiery as mine. I love her sense of humor and style, too.
I love Season 5 because it showed the down to earth side of Gabriel Solis when she and Carlos
nearly hit bankcrupcy.

Bree Hodge, though the most charming character is the most superficial, too. Her being so
reserved and acting with much finesse is just too unnatural for me. Oh, maybe it’s the reason
why her children turn out to be that way?

Edie Britt reminds me of Samantha in “Sex and the City.” Both are blonde, pretty and
free-spirited. Between the two, I prefer Edie’s character and her reputation as the
neighborhood “slut.” I don’t remember Samantha being condemned by her friends; in fact
she is well-loved by her friends! What I like in Edie’s character is this: it’s natural
for women to feel threatened to the presence of a hot woman in the neighborhood. Edie’s character
wants to tell us that not all pretty and sought-after women are happy. (Season 3 shows a vulnerable
Edie pleading for love and commitment to Carlos)
The Most Wonderful Thing In This World

October 6, 2009

Life & Love

The most wonderful thing in this world for me is

to experience motherhood. Not even a good career

could match to a baby’s warm smiles; it takes away my

exhaustion and hunger. I could have experienced the

joy that I’m feeling right now 12 years ago had I faced

motherhood with great courage then. Instead, I passed

the responsibility to my more than willing parents; now

that my daughter is with me, I find it hard to connect with her

sometimes. Good thing, my newborn bridges that gap between me

and my eldest.

It aint easy to be a mother especially if you were single and

independent most of your life. My newborn wakes up every two hours

for feeding and diaper change. Since I am on maternity leave, I

take charge of the baby. We got our baby a nanny but I realize that

before her, I should be the one to familiarize my baby’s moods,

activities and attitude. I tried breastfeeding my baby but my mammary

is not producing enough milk for him. A friend suggested Prolacta but

even that didn’t help.

I look at myself at the mirror and there I found an unfamiliar face:

a sweaty and tired face. But my eyes are kinder, my smile is sweeter

and my aura is more peaceful. Motherhood changes my perspective in life;

from a career woman, I am now a family woman.
Darna Episode 3: August 12

August 13, 2009

That’s Entertainment

Ni hindi nga matitikman ng batang may ahas sa ulo ang kalinga at pagmamahal ng isang ina. Sa isang pagkakataong umiiyak dahil sa sama ng loob, nasambit nya sa may kweba na sa sobrang pagkamuhi ng ina sa kanya, ni pangalan ay hindi siya binigyan.

“Valentina, yan ang pangalang ipinagkakaloob ko sa iyo,” ang sabi ni Cobra. Natakot ang bata at nagtatakbo.

Madalas siyang magmamatyag sa may bahay-ampunan ngunit takot makipagkaibigan sa mga bata. Naisipan niyang takutin sila Eduardo at Narda sa pamamagitan ni Vibora; kunwari’y aatakihin ang dalawang bata ng ahas at ililigtas niya ito. Nagtagumpay nga siya at naging bukas ang pinto ng bahay-ampunan para sa kanya.

Naging matalik silang magkaibigan ni Narda at siya rin ang kasa-kasama nito noong ampunin ni Dr. Morgan (Ricky Davao) si Eduardo.

Lumipas pa ang panahon at nagdalaga na ang dalawa. Habang suot ang pelukang bigay ni Narda, napagdiskitahan ng mga tambay si Valentina at tinangkang pagsamantalahan. Iniligtas siya ng mga ahas sa ulo na pinatay ang mga lalaking nagtanggka sa kanya.

Sa sobrang takot at pagsisisi, umiyak at nagsumbong si Valentina sa ina ngunit sa halip ay nilibak pa sya. Sa sobrang sama ng loob, di sinasadyang napatay nya rin ang ina.
Darna Episode 2: August 11

August 13, 2009

That’s Entertainment

Halos wala sa sarili dahil sa pag-iwan ng asawa, naisipan ni Consuelo na bumalik sa kweba at hilingin ang pagbalik ng asawa. Pumayag si Cobra (Paolo Contis) kung may maibibigay siyang alay. Dala ng inggit at pagkawala sa sarili, pinuntahan niya ang kaibigang si *Rita at nagsinungaling na magpapasama sa asawa. Iniaalay niya si *Rita kay Cobra at inihulog ang sanggol sa bangin.

Napulot ng mga masasamang tao ang sanggol pa lang na si Narda at ibinenta sa sindikato. Ipinaalaga sya sa isang matandang miyembro din ng sindikato na ginampanan ni Ms. Odette Khan. Sa sindikato na rin lumaki at nagkakilala ang batang Narda at batang Eduardo (na magiging si Mark Anthony Fernandez paglaki).

Malupit ang sindikato. Minsang balakin ng lider na ibenta si Narda sa mga pedophile, nakaisip ng paraan ang lola (Odette Khan) na patakasin ang mga bata.Nabaril ang lola habang hinaharang ang mga sindikatong umaabot sa mga bata. Binaril din ng lider ng sindikato si Eduardo ngunit humarang si Narda. Tamang pagdating naman ng mga pulis na magdadala kila Narda at Eduardo sa bahay ampunan.

Lumaki na rin ang batang may ahas sa ulo na salat sa pagmamahal ng ina. Sa sobrang pagkamuhi ni Consuelo, ni hindi nya ito pinagkalooban ng pangalan. Tanging ang ahas na si Vibora lang ang kasa-kasama ng bata.