The World of Second Chances

We’re Open

August 18, 2008

Life & Love

I decided to tell Miel how I feel whenever I don’t get his full attention. (see previous post) I was hesitant at first so I assessed what I was really feeling at the time jealousy hit me. I wasn’t really jealous of his previous relationships. I wasn’t really jealous whenever he talks with someone. I wasn’t really jealous of his female friends. I realized, I just wanted his full attention. I realized that I don’t want to feel out of place.

I sent him a text message. It could make or break his day.

Me: Honey, I have something to tell you but I’m not sure how you will react. This is my first time to tell a boyfriend how I feel about something.

He: Okay, tell me.

Me: Honey, it annoys me and sometimes, hurts me whenever I don’t get your full attention. I feel out of place whenever you talk with acquaintances and I’m left in the background.

He: Actually, I feel the same way, too. Now that I know that we both feel the same, I won’t do it anymore. I’m yours exclusively, honey.

Me: You’re not mad? Why are you not mad?

He: It’s better if we tell each other how we feel no matter how good or bad.

Me: I’m not used to it. The last relationship did not allow me to express.

He: I love you, honey. I’m a gentleman. I won’t be dishonest to you.

Me: Thank you, honey.

He: For what?

Me: For loving me.

He: I love you so much.

Me: I so love you, too!

Happy ending. =)
Love Begets Pain

August 16, 2008

Life & Love

I’m not in good mood today. I’m unreasonably jealous of Miel’s past girlfriends. I’m unreasonably jealous whenever he’s talking with someone else. I dunno. It must be my hormones. He assured me that he loves me very much; that we’re already on our wedding preparation.

I remember when I was still not yet in love with him, he was just another date. Now that I’m falling for him each day, I feel so confused. I love him but I want to shield myself from the pains of jealousy.
He Was Never Serious Anyway

August 14, 2008

Life & Love

PV (ex-bf) learned about my wedding engagement. I’m sure he has learned about it from his cousin who’s still very much in touch with me. I confirmed it to him through YM. He’s using a different YM ID every time he talks with me. He says that he can’t afford his girlfriend to discover that he’s still communicating with me. Why the worry? It was she who grabbed PV away from me. She offended me. It was not me who offended her, in the first place.

Ex-bf was negative about my wedding plans. He said that Miel could just be giving me false hopes and promises. I told him that our chapter has long ended when he left me. I told him that now I understand why he had to leave; he was never serious on me anyway. He was defensive. He told me that he was really serious but when he had to make a choice between me and his family, he chose the latter. He chose his family over me even if there was no need of him to do so.

I waited for one year for him to come back. I loved him very much. Much to my surprise, nobody seemed to patch things up for me and him. It was either they knew how much PV wanted to end our relationship or they thought that it was none of their business to meddle, anyway.
My First Time Inside

August 13, 2008

Life & Love

Note: This is a soon-to-be-convert’s personal experience on the joys, hardships and challenges of leaving her old faith for her new faith. This is my journey, I’m not here for a religious debate.

I was a Catholic all my life. I was an obedient Catholic until first year college. I wouldn’t classify myself as a devoted one though. Yes, I believed in the One-God-Three Persons teaching, I was a Marian devotee, our family celebrated fiesta, I attended processions, I commemorated the Holy Week, I celebrated All Saint’s Day, All Soul’s Day and Christmas and last but not the least, I loved puto’t dinuguan!

Miel made me aware that his religion’s view regarding these matters are the exact opposite from my religion. He made me aware about all of these things before he asked me to observe.

It was June 23 when I first saw the interior of the Iglesia Ni Cristo church. I was trembling at the start; afraid and at the same time excited. I was afraid of offending the Catholics because there I was, in the area of the group with their religious faith that was different from ours. I was also excited because that was my first time to get inside the Iglesia. I saw how devoted Miel was for his panata.

I wouldn’t go beyond the details of how the INC church looks inside. I am not sure if the kapatiran is open to that.
“I Could Die Now”

August 12, 2008

Life & Love

“I could die now,” Miel whispered in my ear.

His voice was soft and low. I looked at him in disbelief. How could he wish to die when we are just starting to create our future together?

“If I would die today, it’s okay. At least I’ll die with gladness because of my greatest achievement that is you,” he said.

I asked him to stop talking about death; that he’s too young to die at 26. For the first time, I felt that I could not live my life without him anymore. I’ve fallen for him. I don’t want to lose him.

If I am his greatest achievement in life, then he is the one who made my life complete. I’ve never been happier in my life than now.
Happy Two Months, Miel!

August 9, 2008

Life & Love

Dear Miel,

Meeting a person like you is a blessing. You taught me how to live my life in accordance with the law of God. You taught me how to be simple, more appreciative of life and more loving. I thought that in all those years that I was in the dark, I lost track of my spirituality.

It is true that I never liked you at the start. I thought that our differences in beliefs, social standing, age and religion would be a big hassle for our budding friendship. I thought that we were not serious with each other. I thought that our attraction was just physical.

I told you that I usually have a week-long relationship after my traumatic failed relationship with PV. Who would ever think that we would go this far? Eight weeks or two months is a record! I didn’t feel like I’ve been with you for two months now. I enjoy every moment with you. I dream of having a future with you. I must admit that I am falling for you each day.

You love me very much and I treasure it. I treasure you. I love you. Happy two months, honey!

Your forever,

Honey
But He Chose To Break My Heart

August 6, 2008

Life & Love

I had a short yet entertaining chat with Lou yesterday. She’s getting married to her Czech fiance’ on Friday, August 8. Coincidentally, that day is my ex-bf’s birthday, too. That day is also the day that we dreamed of having Christopher, our supposed future baby.

Friends and acquaintances who knew about Miel sent me their congratulatory greetings. Is it because I finally found Mr. Right or is it because they are relieved to know that I’m finally done with ex-bf? I have a similar experience with Lou regarding our ex-bf’s. It seems to me that both of us were taken for granted by our ex. I don’t mean to sound like the victim here. It’s just the truth. That was what happened.

Parang movie ni John Lloyd at Bea, ah! In my case, Miel met me at my worst while I loved my ex-bf at my best but he chose to break my heart.