“I think you’re falling in love with me now,” my new boyfriend said while we were cuddling each other on the bed.

“Of course, I am,” I said.

He is correct in his observation that I am falling in love with him. Eh, sa bait ba naman nyang yun at lambing, sino ba ako na di matunaw?

When I was 10 years old, I felt that I was in love with Andrew. He never returned the feelings and he was my first heartache. It was just an infatuation. I was infatuated on him because of his good looks and great sense of humor.

At 12, Jose captured my young heart. We were in love with each other. He was my kababata, he was my puppy love. Kaso, my father didn’t like him for me because he was a troubled teenager at that time. When he thought that my ex ran away from his responsibility to me, he expressed his disappointment to what happened to me. That was seven years after our puppy love affair.

At 13, Algiers captured my heart mainly because of his high intellect. Just like Andrew, he never reciprocated my feelings.

At 16, I had a steady relationship with the man who later became the father of my child. He seemed to be the prince that I was looking for. But unlike in fairy tales, the real-life prince and princess did not live happily ever after. We ended up in separation after our five-year relationship.

Then came PV who I thought would be the last man in my life. He was ideal and he loved me very much. But a year after, things changed in our relationship. He was no longer the man that I used to know.

When compared to the men that I dated and loved before, my new bf Miel is not devastatingly handsome. We don’t belong in the same social standing. His religious faith is different from mine. But what matters most to me now is how he will love me, how he will accept me for who I am and not for what I am, how he will love my family, how he will commit with me and how he will spend his future with me.

Young women tend to be so idealistic; their idea of romance is having that tall, handsome and rich knight-in-shining armor. I’m not young anymore and I have dated men like that. Having a tall, handsome and rich partner will not guarantee that a woman will be happy in her relationship. Lalo na kung trophy girlfriend ka lang ng bf mo.

If I could only say this to my ex:

Hi Ex-Bf!

You know how much I hate going to the mall and you can count how many times we’ve been there (mainly, just to watch movies) that is why every visit is unique and special. Between the two of us, you’re the fashionista one so it was always you who initiated our malling.

I was at Glorietta 3 with my new boyfriend yesterday. It was you who I was with when I first went there. Every path that we walked and every stalls that we entered reminded me of us. New boyfriend stopped at a shoe store; I could see how much he wanted to buy the pair of moss green shoes but maybe, he didn’t have the cash. I didn’t want to sound arrogant by offering to buy it for him, I wouldn’t want to hurt his ego. If he were you, you would go inside the store and buy it using your credit card.

We ate in a posh restaurant, my treat. It was you who introduced me to fine dining and good food. I missed you very much while we were eating.

I went to the ladies’ room to retouch my make up. I thought I saw your reflection on the mirror near the door. Out of the blue, I went out and aggresively looked for you. Was it really you or was it my imagination that every men at the mall was you? My mouth went dry and I could feel that my tears would fall anytime. I missed you once more.

Somebody tapped my back and put his arms around me.

“Kanina pa kita hinahanap,” it was my new boyfriend.

Then I remember a text message from a friend that goes like this:

You find the perfect love but in a wrong time.

You find the perfect one but he’s not in love with you.

You find the perfect one but you must be loyal to someone else.

You got the perfect looks but no one takes you seriously.

You met the perfect personality but you’re bound to be just friends.

You got brains but got a frail heart.

You find the courage but it’s too late.

You’re ready for love but you don’t know where to start.

My new boyfriend has the habit of checking my text messages. Last night, we almost got into argument because he read a flirty text message from my officemate. He suspected that that guy is also my boyfriend.

“Hon, nagseselos ako pag kung sino-sino nagte-text sa iyo,” naive boyfriend said.

I assured him that he’s the only one and I am not a two-timer. He didn’t give me the usual goodnight kiss; the long and passionate kisses that we’ve been doing for two weeks now. I woke up unusually early and tried to figure out if I am guilty of entertaining suitors inspite of my new relationship.

I didn’t expect that my naive boyfriend would be this serious in our relationship. For me, he was just one of my one-date-men. But then, he said that he has always been in love with me from the day that he first saw me. But I guess, it’s true that I’m falling in love with him. I feel guilty for unintentionally hurting his feelings by being friendly with my admirers.