The World of Second Chances

Duty First Before Pleasure

June 5, 2008

Career, Finance & Product

Today is Thursday. I’m supposed to text two of my former college housemates about our get-together on Saturday. We haven’t seen each other for 12 long years and we believe it’s about time to reconnect with each other. Also, my youngest brother’s birthday celebration will be on Saturday; I need to be there to enjoy with my family.

10:30 AM, meeting with the bosses. Result? I need to report to work on Saturday to train some supervisors and engineers about productivity monitoring.

My ever supportive boss asked me, “Okay lang ba na pumasok ka sa Sabado?”

“Yes, sir…. if it’s needed, I will,” I said.

I though I saw my bitchy alter-ego saying these: “Liar! Liar! You don’t wanna go to work on Saturday! You don’t wanna go to work on Monday which is a holiday! Why don’t you tell them that you have an appointment with old friends on Saturday afternoon and a birthday celebration to prepare to on Saturday night? Why don’t you tell them that you will need to go to Zambales on Sunday to attend to your friend’s baby’s baptismal? Why don’t you ask them to give you a break? ”

I thought I was lost in space for a few minutes. I was torn between my career and my personal life. Duty first before pleasure?

I remember the time when I was just starting my career in my first job. My mother was always mad at me for going home late and for being workaholic. It was not my choice to be workaholic, the nature of my job as an engineer demands me to be one. How can my mother understand my long hours of work when nobody in the family has the same nature of job as mine? It was only about six years later when my brother vindicated my workaholicism when he started to work as an engineer, too.

Duty first before pleasure? As long as they don’t ask me to report to work on Christmas and New Year, yes, I will prioritize duty before pleasure. Babawi na lang ako sa mga mahal ko pag-uwi ko.
Friendship and Money

June 5, 2008

Life & Love

I was about to sleep last night at around 10PM when I received a text message from my friend. She asked me if I could lend her PhP15,000 the next day (and that is supposed to be today). My mind was still hazy from a day of hard work so I decided to reply the next day so as not to affect my judgment on the matter. While I was sleeping, my cellphone rang. It was an unfamiliar number so I did not pick the call. I was not in the mood for some late night flirting over the phone. Lol!

This morning, I verified who the late night caller was. It was my friend who used her fiance’s cellphone. The fiance’ said that his fiancee was still sleeping and he asked if I got the text messages last night.

I did a mental count of my budget for June:

1. Education expense for my Changki

2.Financial aid for my brother and cousin’s education in case my mother needs it

3.Renovation expense for my parents’ house

4.Shopping expense for myself as a reward for my month of hardwork

To be honest, the only cash available are allotted for items 1-4 since my savings are kept in a bank. And in this time of economic crisis, money kept in a bank only earns about 2% per annum! So as much as possible, I try to keep a fixed amount on my savings account. Whatever I spend or lend to those who are in need comes from the money I saved from a previous pay day.

I texted her and said that I could only lend her PhP 5,000. I hope our friends will be kind enough to lend her the remaining amount of PhP 10,000.

I am aware that most friendships are ruined by money. In my case, I’d like to balance between being a good friend and being a good provider to my family. I think my decision is win-win.
Kite Runner Quotes

June 4, 2008

Life & Love

I watched “The Kite Runner” on DVD. The novel is still much much better than the film. I wouldn’t discuss the story since you can google it anyway. I will just give my piece why I so love this novel or film.

Just when my relationship with PV was deteriorating last year, I decided that the best thing to do was to keep my cool, do something productive and avoid getting into arguments with him. My officemate showed me this book and offered to lend it to me since he knew that I was into novel-reading.

“Magugustuhan mo yan. You like culture, di ba?” he said.

So, I took the book and started to read the first ten pages in my office cubicle. The first chapter of the book was enough to convince me that it was worth reading. The author vividly put into words the picture that was on his mind.

There are only three quotes in the novel that I am particular of:

“For you, a thousand times over” – said Hassan to Amir when the former offered to get the last cut kite for the latter. I could hear this phrase from my parents who love me unconditionally. They sent me to college at the time when our finances were down. I was a partial scholar but generally, it was my parents who struggled for me to continue schooling. In a country where having a diploma is a MUST to get a good job, it is expected for us to earn a college degree. At that time, I knew I had to go to school but Cupid knocked me out and for a while, I was lost and I couldn’t choose between setting my academic goals or just be Mrs. RR. I could say that half of what I achieved in life came from my parents’ belief in what I could do.

For you, a thousand times over—I hope PV can realize how much he means to me. It would be too lengthy to discuss the many sacrifices that I did for him. I just want to let him know that no matter how heavy his offenses are, I will always forgive him and give him a second chance. I will do that for him a thousand times over.

“It always hurts more to have and lose than to not have one in the first place,” — Amir. What do I have before that I no longer have now? Perhaps I could relate it to the people who came to my life and established good rapport with me. And then for some reasons, those people just left either because they realized that we do not have the same connections anymore or they just wanted to look for greener pastures elsewhere.

It hurts me when friends leave; I just so miss them. I do not regret meeting them; it’s just painful when you’re used to be with them and then they’ll be gone. It’s wise to make new friends every time we have the chance to do so. Yes, friendship is forever but his/her presence is transient.

“There’s a way to be good again,” said Rahim Khan to Amir. How bad was I yesterday compared to today? Did I hurt somebody’s feelings yesterday so that I could make up to him today? If I could have another chance to fix my issues with somebody that I hurt whether deliberately or not, I would.

I regret hurting Francis’s feelings when I broke up with him in college. It was one of my immature decisions that I am still thinking of until now. How can I make up to him? It’s funny to say sorry for something bad that I did many years back but surely, he will appreciate it when I say it sincerely.

I regret cutting off my communication lines with RR’s family when I met PV. I regret being too drastic with my decisions. For some reasons, his family does not bother to connect with me anymore. If I could have a single chance to reconnect with them, I would. I will say how sorry I am to let these things happen to us.

Is there a way to be good again?
My Life Is Not An Open Book

June 3, 2008

Life & Love

My life is not an open book…. to those who don’t care to know me well. If there’s one good lesson that I learned from my previous job, it is the value of privacy; not secrecy. When I was still with those group of people, I was too eager to share what was happening in my daily life. Some of them went beyond what was normal for acquaintances to discuss; they were too curious to know about my personal life.

I used to believe that nothing was extra-ordinary about a girl who fell in love in her late teens, tried to form a family and was emotionally crushed to death when that family started to crumble. Maybe I was just too friendly and too willing to let them understand where I was coming from and why I justified my another attempt for a lasting relationship. But my open life created more harm than good; not everybody was willing to accept me as a person. At some point, I felt obliged to let them know about what’s happening in my new relationship and how my ex was treating me and Changki. At that point, I became protective of Changki; I didn’t want her to be involved in this web of office intrigues.

It was different when I started to work in my current job. I was able to enjoy the privacy that I was long denied with. For the first time in how many years of my post-teen life, I was able to create a more professional working relationship with the people around me. Why would I care to open my life to those who are not willing to understand me as a person? At least, I have some friends here who knows the truth in my life and I trust them. Again, I don’t promote secrecy here, I just want to gain back the privacy and peaceful life that I have been dreaming of. And it worked! When my relationship with PV ended, nobody in the office bombarded me with the WHY questions.
Synchronization of Sightings

June 3, 2008

Poems & Stories

Cute? Is it still the proper word to describe nice clean A-1 guys at my age? I notice that since I’m back in the dating market, there are frequent sightings of my cute ex-schoolmates! Hahaha!

Cute #1 told me that he had a thing for me before but he was too shy to ask me out because I was always in the company of my then boyfriend. Oh, really? I never really noticed that he had a thing for me. He now works for a top company in the city and he’s married, too. Sayang!

Cute # 2 sent me a message on my Friendster account. Kaso bakit ganun, when I replied to him, he did not bother to answer back! Hahaha!

Cute # 3 sent me a message on my YM. Since it was an offline message, I replied while he was offline. I am waiting if he will bother to reply.

By the way, aside from the cute ex-schoolmates sightings, people from my past are going back to my life from the people from my former work to my college schoolmates to high schoolmates. It’s like they’re synchronized to come back to my life!
I Won’t Last A Day Without You

June 2, 2008

Life & Love

I feel so tired today. This project is eating me. I feel so dizzy. I need to catch up for tomorrow’s presentation. Would you believe that I’ve been sitting here for 12 hours now? I miss my bed. I need someone to comfort me at home. I need someone to give me a pat, a warm embrace or just a kiss. Anyway, it makes no difference whether I have a boyfriend or not. My ex-boyfriend never gave me a pat on my shoulder during my stressful days at work. Hard luck, no?

Good thing, I have my family and friends who are always there to comfort me. Gaya ni Joel, even if he’s super busy, he always finds time to listen to me. Maybe, he’s my soulmate; my bestfriend. Alma is always there for me, too. Kaso, I don’t want to add more burden to her already stressful married life. It’s different with Joel, he seems to be more balanced with his emotions. Ewan ko lang ha?, if he’s really balanced. But just in case, I will always be there for him, too. Sometimes, I do tell him what hurts me in a relationship so that he can understand how women react. In this way, he’ll be more in tuned with his girlfriend’s emotions. I so love his girl, too.

I won’t last a day without my friends and family. They’re part of my daily system.
Smart Locator

May 31, 2008

Life & Love

I registered my mother’s cell number to the Smart Locator. She did the same thing to me this morning. Wala lang, we might need to do it just in case the worst thing happens. Baka makidnap ako, eh! Lol!

I asked her to register my father’s cell number, too. I dunno if she did. Okay lang naman yun, debah? It’s useful to couples since one does not have to worry where the other person actually is. If neither of the couple is doing something wrong, being tracked is supposed to be a non-issue.

By the way, what’s so wrong about being tracked? I just don’t get it why some men lie about their whereabouts. I used to have a boyfriend who lied a lot. When asked where he is, he would say that he was at work. I would just find out the truth later that he was at the bar. Weird thing, I was not the jealous-type of girlfriend who monitors her boyfriend’s every move. Whatever his reasons were, I felt betrayed whenever he lied to me. But the more amazing thing was, I forgave his every offenses; big or small.

Truly, my love for him was bigger than his mistakes.