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  • Hiding in Balanga Cathedral

    April 11, 2026
    Poems & Stories

    I was still in junior high
    small enough
    to believe cathedrals could hide a person whole.

    A senior high boy
    walked behind me
    with the persistence of an unanswered bell.

    So I slipped inside the cathedral
    into the cool hush of stone and stained light
    and let an hour kneel itself beside me.

    I thought time
    would teach him to leave.

    But when I stepped outside
    the afternoon still carried his waiting.

    So I fled deeper…
    to the eucharistic chapel
    where silence had a second door.

    He did not know the sacred geometry of the place.
    He searched from the wrong side
    until his eyes found me
    across the divide.

    Between us,
    iron bars.
    He on the other side
    while I was looking from the inside.

    “Can I fetch you home?”
    he whispered
    through the metal.

    And there,
    with heaven on one side
    and the street on the other,
    I learned the holiness of refusal.

    No,
    I said.

    The word did not echo.
    It simply stood there,
    firm as the iron between us.

    Then came his heavy steps,
    the sigh of surrender,
    the slow leaving
    of someone who finally understood
    that wanting is not the same as being welcome.

    I stayed
    until the chapel was only breathing
    and the fear had turned into memory.

    Even now,
    I remember how awkward
    we might have looked that day.

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  • How Will I Know

    April 4, 2026
    Poems & Stories

    I’ll be honest: this song is not 100% my composition.

    The lyrics are entirely mine, born from a poem I wrote about unrequited love when I was a teenager.

    Every line came from a real feeling, a real place in the heart.

    But the music itself was created with AI.

    The best way I can describe it is this: the lyrics are the soul, and AI simply created the body.

    I only gave a few directions—how I wanted the tempo to feel, the mood it should carry, and my wish for it to have a guitar version. From there, technology did something almost magical and turned words into melody.

    And yes, I am genuinely amazed by how far technology has come.

    Still, I also believe that a true musical genius, someone who creates from pure instinct, emotion, and lived experience, could make something far deeper and more beautiful than what AI can currently produce.

    What fascinates me and also worries me is this: if anyone can now create songs through AI, what will music sound like in the future? Will many songs begin to feel similar because they are born from the same algorithms?

    That thought makes me wonder whether convenience might slowly replace the beautiful struggle of human creation.

    To me, great music has always come from the heart first. The mind only helps shape it afterward. When technology removes too much of that emotional labor, I sometimes fear we risk losing the raw humanity that makes songs timeless.

    But for me, this was never about replacing artistry.

    I made this song simply out of fun, curiosity, and a desire to hear how my words might live in another form.

    AI is impressive, yes.

    But the human touch will always be the best part of any art.

    So with that said, enjoy my song.

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  • The Economic Crisis During My Parents’ Time

    March 31, 2026
    Life & Love

    Only now am I beginning to understand my parents’ generation.

    My parents were born in the 1950s, which means their childhood, youth, and family-building years unfolded alongside some of the most difficult economic periods in Philippine history. Looking at the timeline of what the country was going through helps me understand why their attitudes toward money, food, and resilience were shaped the way they were.

    When they were children: the 1960s

    When they were kids in the 1960s, the Philippines was still carrying the long shadow of post-war rebuilding. Many families lived simply, often on a single income, and resources were limited. Jobs were hard-earned, luxuries were rare, and children were raised to value every peso.

    This was likely where their instinct to save things, avoid waste, and make do with what was available first took root. Scarcity was not a lesson from books—it was everyday life.

    When they were young adults: the 1969 peso crisis

    By the time they were entering adulthood in the late 1960s, the country was hit by the 1969 balance-of-payments crisis, which led to a sharp peso devaluation and rising prices.

    Imagine being in your late teens or early twenties, just beginning to dream about work, marriage, or helping your family, and suddenly everything becomes more expensive.

    Now I understand why people from their generation often hold tightly to moments of comfort when money comes in. What may look like being a “one-day millionaire” can actually be the emotional aftermath of growing up in uncertainty. When life teaches you that abundance can disappear quickly, spending on family, food, or long-delayed wants can feel less like carelessness and more like reclaiming joy.

    When they were building their future: the 1970s oil shocks

    In the 1970s, when they were in their twenties and likely beginning careers or raising young families, the world was hit by the 1973 and 1979 oil crises.

    Fuel prices surged, transportation became expensive, electricity costs rose, and food prices followed. For an import-dependent country like the Philippines, this would have made daily life even harder.

    This also helps me understand why food became sacred in their household values.

    When they say, “Life is hard. Eat what is on the table,” those words come from a generation that lived through years when food choices were a luxury. For them, what is served is not just a meal–it is proof that the family made it through another difficult day.

    Their words carry the memory of years when there may have been little choice, little excess, and no guarantee of tomorrow’s meal.

    When they were raising families: the 1983–1985 recession

    By the time they were in their early thirties, the Philippines entered one of its worst recessions from 1983 to 1985.

    Inflation surged, jobs became unstable, and the peso weakened again. If they were already raising children by then, the pressure must have been enormous: school expenses, food, transportation, and the constant fear of not having enough.

    This period may explain why they became deeply resilient.

    Their strength was not accidental. It was built during years when they had to endure instability, stretch limited resources, and keep moving forward despite uncertainty.

    Why I understand them now

    Looking at the decades they lived through, I finally understand why they became who they are.

    Their relationship with money was shaped by repeated cycles of lack and recovery. Their respect for food came from remembering what it felt like to have little. Their toughness came from surviving years when the country itself was struggling.

    So when I see habits that once confused me–spending generously when money arrives, insisting we finish what is on the table, staying emotionally strong through hardship—I no longer see contradiction.

    I see history.

    I see a generation raised by scarcity, molded by national crises, and strengthened by survival.

    And perhaps the greatest thing they passed on was not fear of hardship, but the quiet confidence that even after living through “nothing,” they still found a way to endure until the very end.

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  • The Memoirist

    March 24, 2026
    Life & Love

    My classmates and childhood friends have often described me as someone with a sharp memory.

    I remember what happened when we were kids: who cried on the first day of school, who was naughty, who was quiet, who was the teacher’s pet, who seemed to stand out even at a young age. These small details stayed with me, not because I tried to hold on to them, but because they simply never left.

    As we grew older, my friends from my teenage years were often amused—or sometimes a little cynical—about my tendency to remember everything. I could recall who dated whom, who was considered the most admired in school, who fought over what, and who quietly carried their first heartbreak.

    Occasionally, I share pieces of my own story too. I remember the quick getaways from school, the people I once found endearing, and the season of my life when bouquets of flowers would arrive at my college room from quiet admirers. I remember my first boyfriend as well—someone who, in hindsight, was far too controlling (sorry! haha)

    From a memoirist’s point of view, these memories are not meant to entertain or provoke. I tell them to revisit the moments that shaped me, to understand how each experience—no matter how simple or complex—contributed to the person I am today.

    When I speak of the love I lost as a teenager, I do not dwell on the person. Instead, I acknowledge the timeline of events, trusting that both the good and the painful helped form the way I now see the world—with clarity, without bitterness, and without regret.

    Not everyone understands how a memoirist’s mind works. But for me, remembering is not about holding on—it is about understanding, and quietly moving forward.

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  • The Secret Crush at 13

    March 6, 2026
    Poems & Stories

    Recently, I tried to reconstruct a story I wrote when I was thirteen. The original manuscript is long gone—lost somewhere between school notebooks, house moves, and the quiet passage of years. But the plot never left me. I still remember the title: Till Death Do Us Part.

    At thirteen, I wrote about a poor dressmaker who fell in love with a wealthy medical student. They met by the sea, where the boy once told her that his love for her was eternal. Not long after, he died of cancer. But he didn’t realize he was dead. For three years, he stayed near her, watching over her, unable to let go.

    Only when she asked him, gently, why he could not release her did he understand the truth; that he had already died. In the end, he walked away from her in the rain after a final kiss. She cried and called his name, but he simply said, “It’s okay,” before disappearing into the distance.

    At thirteen, I thought I was writing a tragic love story.

    Looking back now, I realize I was writing about something else.

    The boy in the story was actually a high school crush; someone who never knew I liked him. I didn’t have the courage to say it then, so instead I turned the feeling into fiction. In my story, he loved the girl back with a devotion that lasted even beyond death.

    What I couldn’t have articulated at thirteen was that I was trying to process a very specific kind of heartbreak: liking someone who does not like you back.

    In real life, unreturned feelings don’t come with dramatic endings or emotional closure. They simply fade, quietly and awkwardly, leaving you with questions that never quite get answered.

    So my younger self invented closure.

    In the story, the separation wasn’t rejection; it was tragedy. The boy’s love was unquestionable. His devotion lasted for years. The only reason they could not be together was death itself.

    But the most revealing part of the story is the ending.

    The ghost lets the girl go.

    At thirteen, I probably thought the ending was romantic. As an adult, I see something different. I see a young girl teaching herself how to release feelings that had nowhere else to go.

    That final line—“It’s okay”—feels less like the boy speaking to the girl and more like my younger self speaking to herself.

    It’s okay that he doesn’t know.
    It’s okay that he doesn’t love you back.
    It’s okay to move forward.

    What fascinates me now is how our younger selves sometimes understand our emotions more honestly than we realize. We may lack the vocabulary, but the truth finds its way out through stories, poems, and imaginary worlds.

    Years later, I wrote another story, Catching Dragonflies With You, partially inspired by someone real. That story is quieter, more nostalgic, less dramatic. Perhaps that’s the difference between imagined love and lived experience.

    But when I think about Till Death Do Us Part, I feel a surprising tenderness toward the thirteen-year-old who wrote it. She was trying to understand longing, rejection, devotion, and letting go; all the complicated things that adults spend entire lifetimes trying to make sense of.

    She didn’t know it then, but she was already learning one of love’s hardest lessons:

    Sometimes the deepest act of love is not holding on.

    Sometimes it’s walking away in the rain, turning back once, and saying softly——

    “It’s okay.”

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  • How Will I Know

    February 17, 2026
    Poems & Stories

    July 2005

    I wrote this poem in 2005.

    I was young, in love and in confusion.

    I was in love with somebody who didn’t reciprocate my level of commitment.

    It took me decades to revisit this— and now that I’m in a better place with my family— it was like looking at my young fragile self.

    *********************************************

    How Will I Know

    How will I know
    if you are not okay
    if your body gives in,
    too weak to lift the phone,
    too tired to say my name?

    How will I know
    if silence means rest,
    or sickness,
    or something final
    I am afraid to name?

    How will I know
    when the only bridge I have
    is your number,
    your small glowing screen,
    your disappearing signal?

    I do not know your world there.
    I do not know your friends,
    or the sound of their voices.
    I do not know the hands
    that would reach for you
    if you collapsed.

    I do not know your family’s numbers,
    your workplace,
    your hidden corners.

    I do not know
    half of you.

    So please,
    do not call it paranoia
    when my chest tightens
    at a day without your voice,
    when my thoughts spiral
    at unanswered hours.

    Accidents bloom
    in the least expected moments.
    Fear, too,
    has its own logic.

    I try to stay calm.
    I practice stillness.
    But how can I be still
    when your safety
    is the question?

    I do not fear
    your freedoms,
    your wandering,
    your separate life.

    It is not jealousy
    that keeps me awake.
    it is the fragile fact
    that bodies fail,
    that time betrays,
    that distance hides disaster.

    I do not demand
    your secrets,
    your maps,
    your coordinates.

    I only carry you
    into prayer:
    morning and night,
    breathing your name
    into God’s hands.

    My deepest fear
    is not loss,
    but lateness,
    to be the last to know
    you were hurting,
    the last to learn
    you were gone.

    We are human.
    Even love obeys
    mortality.

    So wherever you are,
    in whatever silence,
    always,
    take care of yourself.

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  • A Valentine Realization

    February 14, 2026
    Life & Love

    Today is Valentine’s Day. We don’t celebrate it in my religion, and that’s perfectly fine with me. For as long as I can remember, I have associated this date more with my father’s birthday than with romance.

    Still, before my conversion, Valentine’s Day held a special place in my heart. As a teenager, I was a hopeless romantic. The day felt magical–full of promise, excitement, and tender expectations.

    I was seventeen and already in college when I had my first Valentine’s celebration. Coincidentally, it was also the first time I had a boyfriend. Instead of a traditional date, I chose to celebrate with friends, so we ended up having a group dinner. It wasn’t the candlelit evening I had imagined—no roses, no grand gestures—but it was joyful. We laughed, shared stories, and simply enjoyed being young.

    When I got home that night, I was surprised to receive a bouquet of roses from a board mate who had been romantically linked with me months earlier. He didn’t know yet that I already had a boyfriend; the relationship was barely two weeks old.

    In my youthful innocence, I told my boyfriend about the flowers, expecting him to find it amusing. Instead, his reaction was a mix of sadness and regret. He realized that this should have been our first Valentine’s together—and that he should have been the one to give me flowers.

    From then on, he gave me flowers even without any occasion.

    Today, I no longer remember him as the young man I once fell in love with, but as the boy who shared my first Valentine’s—young, naive, and surrounded by laughter and friends. Looking back, I sometimes think I should have stayed longer in that lighthearted season of life with friends. Entering a serious relationship too early quietly stole from me the chance to fully enjoy my college years.

    In my late twenties, I met my future husband. It was an instant attraction followed by a whirlwind courtship. While our faith does not observe Valentine’s Day, he still gives me flowers. We simply renamed the occasion—Heart’s Day.

    Last year, I asked him how much he spent on a bouquet of roses. He told me that flowers were expensive where we lived, and when I heard the price, I gently suggested he buy food instead. I wanted him to know that while flowers still made me happy, receiving something that benefited our daily life made even more sense.

    And in that moment, I realized how much I had changed.

    I had grown from a hopeless romantic into a practical woman—someone who now understands that love is not measured by the number of buds in a bouquet, but by the quiet consistency of effort, sacrifice, and commitment.

    Real love, I have learned, lives not in grand gestures, but in the steady choice to stay, to care, and to build a life together.

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