The World of Second Chances

From Friendship Game to Love Game

May 4, 2017

Life & Love, Poems & Stories
Written for a fictional character in June 6, 1996.
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I used to play the game of friendship

I don’t want commitment and relationship

I considered love as something wicked

For the many hearts it deceived
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Years have passed so easy

I became the source of pain for somebody

I did not consider his wounded heart

He who was true from the start

About last year, another player came

And so I thought, he could be another game

But he was quite different from the rest

His unique qualities made him the best

I pined and dreamed for his company

A no-strings attached relationship, actually

I can’t afford to lose this game

But I had no idea he was thinking of the same

Everything went on smoothly

Except that I’m falling in love with him terribly

Oh, why can’t I live without him now?

I can’t tell myself why or how

So I decided to call it quits

I don’t see myself as somebody sweet

He is melting my whole self bit by bit

It’s time for love to take a back seat

Before I could speak anything

He kissed my lips in total passion

Perhaps he sensed what I was thinking

My heart-of-stone is melting in this romantic union

Yes, I used to play the game of friendship

But ours is now an everlasting relationship

His love made my heart open and tame

We are now on the same level of playing the love game
Why I Left My Facebook Mommy Groups

March 14, 2017

Life & Love
Today, I decide to leave my four Facebook mommy groups for the following reasons:
1. I wanted to have real-life friendship and I was not getting any of it from my mommy groups.
2. I couldn’t stand the bullying of some members to those whom they perceived as not following their advice.
3. The group has become a haven for humble-bragging.
4. It affected me how some women were treated badly by their in-laws and even husband or partner but they were not empowered enough to stand on their own.
5. It affected me to read daily rants from women who should have been empowered in the first place.
Don’t get me wrong–I enjoyed the virtual company of my mommy groups but I needed to focus on more productive things in my life like my thesis for the next semester. I have always been empathetic when it comes to people who are in trouble but I need to set my priorities, too in such a way that my professional growth will not be compromised.
Forced Into Healthy Eating

February 22, 2017

Health & Beauty

My last executive check up was December 2016. My cholesterol level and uric acid level were both high but did not require treatment, only diet. I did not take it seriously because I’ve always succeeded in lowering them during the previous years. I continued to eat fatty and salty foods.

Last week, I noticed ticking under my eye. The left side of my face seemed tired, too. I panicked when I felt like I was floating! Could this be early signs of stroke? I hope not. Because I was in denial, I proceeded with the day’s task until I confirmed to myself that something was really not right in my body. The next day, I went to the company clinic to check my blood pressure. The initial reading was 130/90 so I asked the nurse that I needed to see the company doctor. The company doctor got another reading and this time, it was 130/100! She prescribed antihistamine for me to relax because that BP reading did not require anti-hypertension drugs yet.

My children are still small and they need a mother to take care of them. I’ve been abusive to my body and disregarded the executive check up results. Yesterday was a wake up call to give up my salty foods and coffee vices and start eating more healthy foods.

Good thing, my officemate is into healthy eating and she also sells fruit and vegetable snack in the office. Instead of coffee, I now resort to drinking more water with a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar. Last night’s meal was light as compared to my heavy dinner the previous days. Then, I need to learn how to unwind because mental stress triggers high blood pressure, too.

I hope to see positive results in six weeks!
Moms

February 21, 2017

Life & Love

If a mother prefers to continue working after giving birth, is she less of a mother than those who quit their job to become stay-at-home-mothers? The answer would depend upon the situation like in my case, we need a double income household for us to live a comfortable life. But just because I’m a working mom is not an excuse not to be a hands on mom. I prepare my children’s breakfast, I bathe them, I dress them up for school, I help them with their homework, I help them with their school project, I bring them to Sunday worship when my husband could not make it. I don’t sleep at night until they fall asleep. I wake up when one of them needs a trip to the restroom; disrupting my precious sleep.

If a mother is forced by nature to bottlefeed, is she less of a mother than those who breastfeed? The answer would depend upon the situation like in my case, I’ve tried malunggay soup, malunggay capsules, breast massage. I gave up pizza because the quality of my milk would taste like onion. I bought a manual pump to stimulate my milk production but to no avail. My baby was crying. I was desperate to feed him. I tried mixed feeding but my breasts were not producing enough milk. I held the baby close to me during bottlefeeding. I wanted him to feel loved.

Motherhood is a unique experience. What is a common experience among mothers is just the tip of the iceberg because the deeper the experience goes, the more we discover the uniqueness of it. When a mother brags about how good she is because of her choices, I feel that there are closures that she needs to address like an approval for the decision that she made. A really good mother knows and understands how other mothers feel. A really good mother does not need to put other mothers down so that she could stand taller than them.
Who Goat! (Hugot)

February 1, 2017

Life & Love

Yung tinangka mong kalimutan lahat ng pangit at masakit kasi gusto mong magka-good vibes lang.

Yung alam mong baka hindi na pwedeng ibalik anuman ang magandang samahan pero ginawa mo para maging masaya lang.

May mga bagay talaga na hindi mo pwedeng pilitin.

May mga bagay na mahirap nang ibalik.

May mga bagay na hanggang doon na lang.

May mga pagkakataon na sobrang napahiya ka na sa sarili mo at ayaw mo nang maulit pa.
Pissed Off

January 31, 2017

Life & Love

I was looking for the phone cable that I lent to my husband. He said that he doesn’t know where it is. It was a Tuesday morning and mornings mean rush hour to me. I repeated the question and told him that I hate it whenever he fails to safe keep the things that he borrow from me. Moved by this, he got up and opened his bag. The cable was inside it. I punched him in great annoyance!

He knows that I hate misplaced items. What I don’t get is he’s into the habit of fueling the building up of my emotions until I erupt. I know his weakness, too and I can be the nastiest bitch in town when emotionally provoked. But my point is, does he really need to resort to making me mad before listening to me?

Some days are not full of love.
It’s Not About The Other Person

January 26, 2017

Life & Love

Have you ever felt great insecurity over another person?

He doesn’t have to be a love rival or a direct competitor but his actions are enough to make you feel less worthy.

I’ve been there, I’ve done that and this is what I realize: it’s not about the other person’s actions that make me feel insecure but a reflection of my own perception about things that are non-existing. It’s not about the other person’s initiatives that get into my nerves but my own silent admission of helplessness and uselessness. Hurting one’s ego even if it’s unintentional is enough to knock down one’s common sense. And if a person is sensitive, the more she becomes prone to insecurity attacks.

I acknowledged the fact that I was insecure and feeling unworthy. To address that, I found ways on how to be of value. In short, I managed to bounce back from the imaginary hole that I put myself into.

The next time you feel that a person is “epal,” ask yourself if it is just insecurity that’s eating you. 🙂