The World of Second Chances

Ang Kayumanggi at si Lucy Liu

October 19, 2012

Life & Love

Nagbabalat-sibuyas na naman daw ang mga Pilipino sa “racist” remark ni Lucy Liu sa show ni David Letterman kung saan nya sinabing hindi sya pwedeng mababad sa araw at kung hindi ay magmumukha syang Pilipino. Maitim, kayumanggi- yan ang pagiging Pilipino sa isip ng ibang lahi at kahit pa ng mismong kalahi na natin. Ang tanong, sino ba ang mas nagbalat-sibuyas, ang mga Pilipinong narito sa Pinas o ang mga Pilipinong naroon na sa ibayong-dagat. Bakit ko nasabi? Mas matindi kasi ang pressure para sa mga Pinoy na nasa abroard pagdating sa pagtanggap sa kanila ng lipunan kung kaya’t nagiging sensitibo sila sa mga diskriminasyon at pag-aaglahi. Kung ang Pinoy na nakabasa, nakapanood o nakapakinig ng sinabi na yun ni Lucy Liu ay naririto lamang sa Pilipinas, pihadong ang reaksyon lamang ay, “Lucy Liu, our local version of Pokwang!” Tatawanan lamang si Lucy at patuloy lang ang buhay.

Napakabalat-sibuyas naman ng ibang Pilipino samantalang tayo rin naman, kung makapintas sa ibang lahi ay ganun na lang. Kinarma nga yata tayo dahil sa pag-discriminate ng mga ninuno natin sa mga Intsik noong panahon ng Kastila. Look at where China is right now, isa nang superpower. Kinarma din yata tayo sa pag-discriminate sa mga Bumbay dahil sa pagpa-five six nila at pagtitinda ng kung anu-ano. Eh sino ba ang kinikilala ngayong IT expert, hindi ba’t India?

Mismong mga kapatid nating Aeta at katutubo, ginagawang butt of jokes ng ilang magagaling na Pilipino pero isang statement lang na malamang ay na-misinterpret natin mula kay Lucy Liu, galit na galit na ang ibang Pinoy?

Sige nga, kung proud ka sa kayumanggi color mo, itigil mo ang papaya soap at glutathione mo. Itigil mo ang pagkukulay ng blonde at pagsusuot ng colored lens. Itigil mo ang pa-slang slang mo kasi hindi ikaw yun. In short, embrace your ethinicity.

Baligtarin natin ang sitwasyon. Paano kung si Mercedes Cabral na isang kayumanggi beauty ang nagsabing “Hindi ako gumagamit ng whitening products kasi magmumukha naman akong puti, ano!” Mao-offend kaya ang mga puti? Hindi dahil sa konseptong ang pagiging puti o maputi ay ang dapat o ang standard. Maninipis ang maiitim o kayumanggi sa mga pahayag ng diskriminasyon kuno o pati sa paggamit ng salitang Filipino ng isang brand ng biskwit dahil sa isip-isip ng ibang affected na Pinoy, substandard kasi ang pagiging kayumanggi.
All Brides Are Beautiful!

October 19, 2012

Wedding & Family Life

My husband, Adi and I will be attending a friend’s wedding in Balanga City tomorrow. Oh, I’m excited to see the bride; she was one of my bride’s maids and her soon-to-be husband was one of the groom’s men. Their love story didn’t start at my wedding because they were already lovers when we got them to be part of our entourage.

Weddings are elegant no matter how simple some of them are. The bride always exudes an air of aristocracy; her beauty shines through her smile. The groom’s facial expression denotes pride and excitement. The bride’s maids, groom’s men, maid of honor and best man look at the soon-to-be husband and wife with unexplainable joy and admiration. The parents of the couple have both tears and smile on their face as if they can’t decide whether to give away their son or daughter to their soon-to-be daughter or son-in-law.

My own wedding was not perfect. Months before the wedding, there were some family problems to face. My then-boyfriend and I were too harassed by the preparation. There were only me and him who prepared for our wedding. When the modista took my measurement in December 2008, I was fat and she suggested to put some allowance on the gown in case I grew bigger before the wedding. When the gown was delivered in February and I tried on it, I noticed that it was a little loose on the torso. I disregarded the loose fitting; I didn’t realize that I’ve lost a lot of weight in just two months. When I wore the gown on my wedding day or five weeks after I tried on it, it was very loose! I lost a lot of weight and it showed on the gown. It was very uncomfortable to always check on my gown for any wardrobe malfunction while my father and I were marching down the aisle.

Frankly, I have not yet watched our wedding video and the wedding gown was just stored at its box sans dry cleaning. Up to this time, it’s hard to see my ailing mother on video. She died two months after the wedding. As for the wedding gown, it was certainly a wise decision to have a cheaper gown made by an unknown yet skilful modista. I have nothing against blushing brides opting to get the services of famous gown designers if they have money to burn. But if the budget is tight or in my case, if the bride is just being practical, then the work of an unknown yet skilful modista will do.

We spent more on the reception and miscalculated the number of guests at 200 when only 110 guests arrived. Heck, I can’t even remember our caterer’s food!

My wedding was not perfect and I got married to an imperfect person. At this stage when our honeymoon phase is over and reality is knocking on our head, I question my decision of marrying someone after a whirlwind romance. We have no past to share and his life 25 years before is a door that needs to be opened. Maybe I made a big mistake of getting engaged just two months after we started dating. But that big mistake brought me my greatest joys in life, Adi and Robi.
Success Story

October 19, 2012

Career, Finance & Product

I came across this article (http://moneysense.com.ph/success-stories/building-through-moving/) in my earnest effort to learn about entrepreneurship and financial management. There was a time when my husband and I invested our savings into chicharon business but decided to fold up when we realized that we were just having a break-even. Our manufacturing overhead cost went above the budget due to lack of reliable workers. We were forced to hire more workers because the skilful ones were either absent or slowing down. To make the situation worse, our major raw material (imported pork skin) was out-of-stock for nearly one month due to the holiday season (Christmas and New Year); our suppliers said that shipping companies usually prioritize other cargoes during this season.

Our first entrepreneurial venture was just a break-even; neither a success nor a failure. If there was one thing that I learned in there, it was the value of hiring the right people for the job. Surely, one would say that not everybody has an eye for business. Well, having a good business is a combination of hard work, proper timing and luck. Mr. Paulo Tibig’s article about his humble beginnings as a promdi who dreamed it big in Manila is an example. He and Abby first put up a laundry shop but for some reasons, gave it up. Had they stopped at that point and continued on their corporate jobs, they wouldn’t put up the logistics/forwarding business that they have right now.

Paulo’s entrepreneurial skills cannot be questioned because he came from a family of entrepreneurs. The first time that I heard about Abby and her then-boyfriend putting up a laundry shop in Manila, I was surprised to know that Abby has become interested in entrepreneurship. Not that Abby is incapable or not smart enough but from what I knew, her family was never into business and entrepreneurship. Paulo must have rubbed off his business sense on Abby!

It feels good to read success stories especially if I know the persons involved (in this case, Abby). They spark a desire on me to live each day like a big challenge.
Living Beyond Your Means

October 15, 2012

Career, Finance & Product

In one of my previous posts, I discussed about my desire to cut my HSBC credit card. I am no longer using it for the past ten months. Actually, I was never vigilant about the financial aspect of my life until I gave birth to my youngest child in April. With two kids, we can fairly afford to give them some little luxuries in life but with an additional kid, we now have to think twice before splurging on our wants. (Milk formula, vaccines and diaper are expensive!)

I have always been a wise spender when I’m buying an item for myself. But when it comes to my loved ones’ whims, I turn into a spendthrift monster. I always feel obliged to please my loved ones to the point of breaking our budget. There were instances when I resorted to using my credit card to purchase an item because I didn’t want to touch our savings. Later, I realized how unwise it was because our money kept in the bank earns an interest of 2% per annum versus the credit card interest at 3.5% per month. Did I live beyond my means? Maybe no, because I could have used the money in the bank to buy the items that I purchased through credit card. I made a WRONG decision in doing so because I lost more money in the process.

Why didn’t I use the money in the bank instead of swiping my credit card then? Because deep inside, I was bent on saving more money but at the same time, I wanted to please my loved ones, too and swiping that plastic made me feel less guilty about spending. I want to correct this attitude of mine while it’s not yet too late. This is all about financial freedom, folks!

Have you asked yourself why, despite the yearly salary increase and bonuses and promotion, you still feel like living from paycheck to paycheck? Maybe the answer is how you manage your money, maybe you are living beyond your means.

When you start to keep up with the Joneses, chances are, you will be trapped in a web of setting your life’s standards with your friends’ or neighbours’. My neighbours bought a new bike for their kids. My three-year old saw the bike and approached his daddy, “Daddy, buy me a bike, please?” My husband, obviously affected by the toddler’s begging, texted me and hinted that he would buy a bike for Adi. I told him that I don’t want to create an impression to Adi that he could get whatever he wants in a snap of a finger. It has always been like this when it comes to Adi. This time, I want to send a message that every purchase should be planned and budgeted. I promised to buy him a bike on November.

When it comes to buying furniture, which one will you choose, a simple yet durable bed or one that is elegant and expensive? If you have plenty of money, satisfy your classy taste and go for the elegant and expensive bed. But if you’re tight on the budget, then choose the simple yet durable bed. Most shoppers are intimidated by well-dressed salesladies/salesmen. Of course, the salesladies will tell you that the elegant and expensive bed is the better choice because they will get a higher commission on that!

If you developed the habit of borrowing money from family or friends to fill in the gap of your budget, then you must really be living beyond your means. Either cut down some of your unnecessary expenses or increase your income.

The bottomline is, live a simple yet happy life. Material things are just add-ons to being happy but being happy is learning to appreciate whatever we have at the moment. Don’t be an impulsive buyer and think of financial freedom all the time!
Pinoy Hospitality and Pinoy Pride

October 4, 2012

Life & Love

“So, how do you find the Philippines?”
I feel ashamed whenever a reporter or a talk show host ask this question to a foreigner.
What do we expect to hear from them but to say good things about our country, don’t we?
A foreigner then feels obliged to say nice things about the Philippines even if the opposite happened to them.
Some outspoken ones would honestly say that they didn’t enjoy their travel because of pollution, pickpockets etc. etc;
then some onion-skinned Filipinos would declare these foreigners as persona non grata.

I don’t understand why some Filipinos dare foreigners to eat balut, dinuguan and some native delicacies.
I wouldn find it offensive if my French host would dare or insist me to taste frog legs. Not that I consider eating frogs as yucky but I’m not accustomed to eating frogs so the thought of munching frog legs is enough to make me puke.

And of course, there are freeloaders and leeches who take advantage of a foreigner’s extravagance.
On the contrary, there are Filipinos who are so hospitable to foreigners to the extent of being ass-wipers.

Charice’s manager expressed her amusement and disappointment to the Filipino fans for “owning” Jessica Sanchez
(the American Idol runner up who’s half-Mexican and half-Filipino) but not supporting Charice Pempengco who’s a homegrown talent.Jessica’s relatives from her mother’s side are Filipino. The Bugays are from Samal, Bataan and I happen to be from Balanga, Bataan. Kababayan, yes, but only Jessica’s relatives are my kababayan. It does not include Jessica because Jessica, though 50% of the blood that runs in her vein is Filipino, is American. Her upbringing is American. Her culture, no matter how mixed it is, is predominantly American.
I won’t force this sweet young lady to Filipinize herself just to please her Pinoy fans.

Charice Pempengco was not a favorite when she started her singing career on Little Big Star, a talent show in the Philippines.But luck was on her side and before we knew it, she was already a youtube sensation then later, she was rubbing elbows with Ellen Degeneres and Oprah. Filipinos started owning Charice when international celebrities noticed Charice. Pinoy pride, as they said.
But Charice was quick to adapt to American culture and tounge; in just a matter of months, she sported a new image: confident and vibrant.
The Pinoy fans would not understand that sudden change. Charice’s accent could not be compared to Leah Salonga’s because Leah has always had that accent even before she became a Broadway star.
So between Jessica and Charice, the Pinoy fans would definitely root for the former who tries to Filipinize herself rather than the latter who tries to Americanize herself.
Are You Smarter Than A Second Grader?

September 21, 2012

Wedding & Family Life

Sister-in-law texted me today about her daughter’s substitute teacher in English.
(The original-in-charge was on leave).
My niece is a 6-year old second grader at a private school in the province.
The substitute teacher corrected my niece’s abbreviations for the following words: atty.(attorney)and engr.(engineer) to att. and eng.
What the heck! She’s a grade school teacher and those words are common words; my niece got the abbreviations correctly!
It’s alarming to know that this country is losing competent teachers. Primary school must have a good foundation of
correct values and right knowledge, agree?

Am I seeing a depletion of competent teachers like Ma’am Benny Aranas, Ma’am Yolly Pruna, Ma’am Linda Dasig (RIP)
and Ma’am Anita De Dios to name a few? They were my teachers in Balanga Elementary School in a generation when studying in a public school
was cool. In today’s trend, parents from the middleclass bracket choose to enrol their children in private schools because of the impression that
private schools can provide better education and facilities to the students. Private schools better evaluate their teachers more frequently.
If a teacher is not improving, does not want to improve, lazy, has no big heart for his/her students then there’s no reason why he/she must stay
with the school.
Ang Amo at Ang Kasambahay

September 14, 2012

Wedding & Family Life

Nakakalulungkot isipin na mismong sa ating bayan nakararanas ng pagmamalupit ang isang kasambahay na wala namang hinangad kung hindi ang magsilbi at kumita ng kaunti. Ang kaso ni Bonita, ang kasambahay na sinasabing pinagmalupitan ng mag-asawang Marzan, ay hindi na bagong balita. Ilan na nga bang kasambahay ang nakaranas ng pagmamalupit, pang-aabusong pisikal at sekswal at pagtanggap ng masasakit na salita buhat sa mga among kung magpasahod naman ay napakaliit naman.

Hindi maikakaila na may mga kasambahay din namang hindi maayos manilbihan. Burara sa mga gamit, tamad, walang kusa, mapakialam at ang iba pa nga ay sadyang magugulang. Ngunit hindi rin ito nagbibigay ng lisensya sa mga amo upang tratuhing masahol pa sa hayup ang kasambahay.

May mga argumentong baka ang pananakit naman ay gawa-gawa lang mismo ng may katawan upang pagkaperahan ang amo. Baka daw may mga kasabwat na sindikatong ang pakay ay mangotong lamang sa mga inosenteng amo. Ito ay mga pangyayaring nangangailangan ng masusing imbestigasyon; isang mahaba at matagal na proseso upang malinis ang pangalan ng inaakusahang amo.

Ang normal na damdamin ng tao ay papalag sa anumang akusasyon lalo’t ito ay hindi naman talaga totoo. Naroon ang simpatya ng mga tao Kay Bonita dahil na rin sa pagtatago ng mag-asawang Marzan. Sa batas ng damdamin, hindi ka magtatago kung ikaw ay inosente.

Iba’t ibang personalidad ng kasambahay na ang nakasama ng aming pamilya. Ang kakaalis pa lang na kasambahay galing sa probinsya ay nagsumbong sa kapatid na nasa Novaliches na sya daw ay pinagtatrabaho naming ng sagad-sagad. Siya daw ay pinaglalaba ng mga damit, pinag-aahon ng sampay at inuutusan palagi. Ang kapatid nya ang nagsabi sa amin noon sabay paalam na hanggang katapusan na lang ng Agosto ang kanyang kapatid. Nagalit ako sa bintang nila at sinabi kong lahat ng iyon ay kasinungalingan lamang. Damit lang ng sanggol ang nilalabhan nya at kung minsan pa ay kaming mag-asawa ang gumagawa. Ang sampay na kailangan nyang iahon ay nasa bintana lamang at ang sobrang utos na sinasabi nya ay mga paalala ng mga kakainin at gagawin nila sa maghapon. Sa huli, napagtanto namin na gumagawa lang ng dahilan ang magkapatid upang hindi naming sila singilin sa nagastos naming pamasahe. Kung naiba-iba ako o ang aking asawa, maaaring nasaktan na namin o napagsalitaan ng masasakit ang aming kasambahay lalo pa’t sa termino nya sunud-sunod na nagkasakid ang dalawang batang maliit na kanyang binabantayan.

Sa panahon ngayon, wais na rin naman ang mga kasambahay. Kung yaya, pag-aalalaga lang talaga ang gagawin nya. Kung katulong, gawaing-bahay lang ang gagawin nya na sya naman naming patakaran din. Alam naming ang hirap ng trabaho ng isang kasambahay kahit pa ba sabihing may washing machine at vacuum cleaner kami na makatutulong magpaagaan ng trabaho nya. May mga among kung makapag-post sa Facebook ay akala mo nagmimina ng pera. Pero ano ka, tanungin mo ang kasambahay at sasabihing ganito o ganun lang ang pasahod sa kanila. Sahod na hindi man lang makakabuhay ng pamilya. Sasabihin pa ng ibang amo, maswerte nga sila (kasambahay) at may take home pay silang PhP 2,000. Mahiya nga kayo! Nakakabili kayo ng bagay na higit sa PhP 2,000 pero ang magpasahod ng tama, hindi ninyo magawa! Wag kayong magtaka kung bakit pepeteks-peteks ang kasambahay nyo.

Sa kabaligtaran naman, may mga kasambahay na kukunin ang lahat ng oportunidad makapanlamang lamang. Hindi kayo binabayaran pala makipagtext maghapon, manuod ng TV maghapon, magpaganda maghapon at pumeteks-peteks maghapon! Matuto kayong pakibagayan ang ugali at kultura ng amo nyo!