I took a glimpse of your messy cubicle today.
Jacket hanging on your chair, mouse not within the mousepad, documents that need your signing,
scrap sheets of paper and umbrella hanging on the corner.
You were always in high spirits and you completed our day by saying “Ma’am/Sir, how are you?”
“You look so pretty today…ONLY today!”
Then you will burst into infectious laughter.

But death comes like a thief in the night; unexpected and unwelcome.
I didn’t believe the text that I received about your demise because it was so unexpected.
A happy-go-lucky guy like you is the least person that I would think of being ambushed.

What were you thinking when the gunmen poked a gun at you?
A joke perhaps, maybe they were just your airsoft buddies.
You pressed the horn, according to some witnesses, probably aware that they were there to harm you.

Ah, death stole you from your family.
Your 26 years in service didn’t end in retirement where you can travel more around the globe.
You left us clueless of the “why’s?”
The jacket, mouse, documents and scrap sheets of paper will wait for you in vain.

I’m addicted to reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
Not that I’m into BDSM; I just read it for entertainment.
In a way, I could relate to Anastasia Steele’s character: that of being attracted to the wrong guy.
Why do good girls find bad guys irresistible? What’s in them that we find very attractive?
Except for my husband, all the men that I found attractive had this kind of agressive or domineering character.
I broke up with my first boyfriend of two days simply because I was bored.
Not that I was expecting him to ask me to sleep with him but because he lacked the thrill that I was looking for in
a relationship. He was too good to be true and at 17, I found it kinda boring.

My next two relationships were like a rollercoaster ride. I experienced extreme emotions; elation and depression.
Both were long-term relationships and one may wonder how I managed to stay that long despite the
emotional roller coaster that I got into. I used to see men with strong personalities as someone who would
take care of me. I found men with controlling character attractive simply because I wanted someone to tame me.
I wanted someone to surpass my strong character.

Men see difficult (and sometimes, bitchy) women as a challenge while women find difficult men attractive.
Deep inside us women, we want our man to take the lead. In effect, it is often interchanged or confused with
a man with a controlling or domineering character that is why some women end up messing with the wrong kind of men.

My usual routine after eating my lunch is to make myself a cup of coffee.
Btw, sa office ito, ha?
My officemate noticed my routine and suggested, “Nagbabayad ka pa ng coffee eh meron
naman sa pantry ng boss mo?”

OMG. First, hindi ko pantry ang pantry ng boss ko.
Second, walang nagsabi sa aking pwede akong magtimpla ng kape mula sa
pantry ng boss ko.
Okay, pantry ito ng management team. Pero sa tingin ko, pantry lang ito ng mga
boss talaga. Nakakahiyang magpauna.

Hindi ito ang first time kong makapansin na mukha yatang mahilig sa libre ang mga Pinoy.
Malay ko sa ibang lahi pero may nakasama din naman akong foreigner pero hindi mahilig magpalibre
o mahilig sa libre. Sa harap ng aking laptop ngayon, inisa-isa ko ang mga pinaka sa mga hilig ng Pinoy na libre.

1. Pagkain- Wala na daw sasarap pa sa pagkaing libre. Fiesta, birthday, kasalan, san ka pa?
Ngunit para sa akin, lalo akong napapagastos kapag uma-attend ako ng mga ganitong okasyon.
Nagi-guilty kasi akong magregalo ng so-so lang lalo’t alam kong pinaghandaan ang okasyon. Yung bonggacious ba.
Ang hirap naman yatang lunukin ang mamahaling handa samantalang ang regalong dala ko lang ay worth 100 pesos.
Minsan naitanong ko kung ano ba ang masarap sa handa ng handaang pinuntahan namin. Adobo, menudo at
caldereta ang handa–mga pagkaing pwedeng makita sa carinderia, restaurant o kahit sa bahay. Ang sagot
sa akin ng kasama ko, “Wala, libre eh. Yun ang masarap.”

2. Text/Call/Internet- Texting capital nga daw ang Pilipinas. Patok na patok ang Smart, Globe at Sun dahil sa mga
unli call and text promo. Isama mo pa dyan ang internet. Hindi sya libre dahil binayaran mo. Pero sa office,
libre ang internet. Kapag may internet, may web chikka o kahit yung ini-install na chikka. Libre mo ng matetext
ang gusto mong i-text. Kahit naman ako, nag-o-OT dati para lang magbasa ng kung anu-ano sa internet.
(Those were the days na hindi pa ako sobrang busy!) Libre ang telepono dito sa office. Pero yun ang hindi ko
carry na gawin, ang gamitin ang telepono sa non-work related na business ko. Hehehe.

3. Gamot/Pagamot- “Ano’ng gusto mo paglaki mo?” tanong sa akin ng tatay ko noong 5 years old ako.
“Doktor po.” Lahat naman ng bata kung hindi teacher, gusto maging doktor di ba? Sasang-ayunan ako ng
tatay ko sa ambisyong iyon. Sasabihin pang tama yun dahil makakatulong ako sa mahihirap daw. Pero hindi ako
naging doktor. Mahal maging doktor. Kaya natutuwa akong makakita ng mga nagme-medical mission ng libre.
Kulang na lang ay mag-volungteer ako na ako na lang ang magsusulat, aalalay sa mga doktor etc.
(Nung mag-medical mission sila sa aming barangay three years ago, aba, gusto ko nga silang pakainin sa bahay but
that sounds weird naman di ba?) Libreng gamot. Libreng pagamot. Libreng pabunot ng ngipin. Maraming Pinoy kasi
ang di afford magpagamot. Kung saan may libreng gamutan o libreng gamot ay dun pipila.

4. Sakay- Ikaw ba yung tipo ng taong aabang ng kasamahang may sasakyan para makalibre ng sakay?
Kung super close kayo, okay lang. Pero kung hindi, that’s awkward. Paano kung wala sa mood ang
may-ari ng sasakyan di ba? O ikaw ba ang tipo na titignan ang katabi sa jeep kung kakilala at maghahantay
na ilibre ka? Sa kultura natin di ba dapat ang lalaki ang naglilibre sa babae? Well, hindi na ngayon.
May mga lalaki na ring expecting na ilibre sila ng kakilalang babae sa jeep.

5. Kuryente/Tubig- Uso pa ba ang jumper sa kuryente? What about illegal connection sa tubig?
Kung sino pa ang malalakas kumunsumo at walang pagtitipid sa katawan, sila pa ang may ganang
mandaya sa bayaran. (kaya nga nandadaya eh malakas kumunsumo!) Sa halip na magtipid,
dadaanin sa pandaraya.

So far, yan pa lang limang yan ang alam kong pinaka ng mga Pinoy pagdating sa paghahangad ng libre.
Minsan maiinis ka dahil feeling mo ayaw man lang maglabas ng pera pero minsan maaaawa ka
lalo at para naman sa pagpapagamot ang dahilan.