My husband and I attended our friend’s wedding last night. In the past, I actually hated attending weddings because deep inside, jealousy was eating me. I was jealous of the bride and insecure of myself; sometimes questioning why nobody proposed to me seriously. In all fairness to my exes, the first one proposed at the worst timing and the second one gave me false hopes year after year. If you could consider that hilarious, then maybe we are on the same wavelength because I could laugh at that now.

I was the so-called “always the bridesmaid but never the bride.” Call it obsession but I have always wanted to have a family of my own. I have always wanted to have a happy family than a big career, a grand house or fancy cars. A big career, grand house and fancy cars are material things that I could achieve and be taken away from me but a happy family is my security blanket, my source of pride and inspiration.

My own wedding was not perfect. There were many behind-the-scenes that I could now laugh at. Miel and I were the only ones attending to the needs of our visitors. I am talking about the pre-wedding visitors like our relatives who were not familiar with our place, the make up artists that we failed to serve lunch and so on and so forth. I lost a lot of weight a month before the wedding and I was advised not to have my wedding gown repaired because it could take a lot of time for the modista, eh baka mabitin pa! You could just imagine paano uminit ang ulo ko nung isuot ko na at napakaluwag sa akin, mahuhubo pa ata! Then my husband teased me about it. Yes, he saw me while being made up clad in my wedding gown. My mother was very apologetic of my bitchy behavior and reprimanded me in front of my bridesmaids.
“Aba, may oras pa para mag-back out ka kung sa umpisa pa lang ganyan na kayo! Pasensyahan, mainit ang ulo araw ng kasal!”
My aunt justified my bitchiness by telling the bridesmaids that I might be very tired because of the wedding preparation.

Then at the church, during the marching, I could feel my gown going down. I stopped for a while and quickly fixed it. Because the gown had a long train, I could not maneuver my marching. Ambigat-bigat ng gown ko with all those layers of cloth and stones attached to it.

We were expecting 250 guests at the reception but only 150-180 made it so there was a lot of food for everybody. Yun nga lang, the caterer did not provide a presentable supot for the principal sponsors’ pabaon.

I dream of walking the aisle again with my husband in 2019. I want us to renew our wedding vows every 10 years. That should be attended by close friends and family. For the meantime, I will be happy attending weddings because I am no longer the green-eyed monster who secretly wishes to trade places with the bride. =)